Since early February, a puzzling trend has emerged in American professional sports. It appears the number of championships a team can win in a given year is directly proportional to the number of Kardashian sisters the team is dating. This began with Reggie Bush winning the Super Bowl as a member of the “Who Dat” Saints while dating Kim, and continued with Khloe’s husband Lamar taking home another ring with the Lakers a few weeks ago. Until proven otherwise, I have to respect the Kardashian = Champion corollary, heretofore known as the “Gluteus Champious” theorem, and crown the Dallas Cowboys the Super Bowl winners thanks to Miles Austin’s present dalliance with Kim. If they break up at any point during the season, the favorites become the New Orleans Saints, as they were the last team to employ a “BOK” (boyfriend of Kardashian). Football Outsiders have their DVOA ratings, but “Kardashian boyfriends on the roster” is not measured by any official statistics, ultimately rendering said statistics useless.
This will prove to be a very extreme test case for the Gluteus Champious theorem, as the Cowboys are led by an erratic choke artist/fantasy savant in quarterback Tony Romo, and an ultra-conservative, ultra-stoic head coach Wade Phillips (who in fact, is so boring I could not find one video entertaining enough to link to). Combined, these two have managed to win nothing, and lose via upset a whole lot. However, this season that will all change. Or at the very least, this improbable mash of pop culture and sports can finally be put to rest.
Super bowl post = best post yet.
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